Red Rocks to Texas

This drive has been a lot of things. It has been magical, and difficult, and trying, and exciting, and exhausting.  The kids have fared very well, much better than mom and dad.  Kevin and I made the decision on day 2, to stop along the way and see the sights. We saw beauty, and met people, and just took it all in. But....this caused our drive to double (it doesn't seem mathematically possible, but it is!), and we pulled in very very late in New Mexico on Sunday night. We didn't get much rest and we were out the door before the sun rose on Monday morning. We just wanted to keep moving, and our ideas of stopping and taking in the scenery went out the door. Just drive, became our motto. And we could have pulled it off, if it wasn't for the bathroom needs of those 3 munchkins in the back seats. We arrived in Dallas Monday evening.  Our 2 day stop in Dallas with family was exactly what we needed.  We were blessed to be able to see the whole family, and go to cousin Max's football game. The kids seem more relaxed, and now we face the last leg of our journey. We will stop somewhere in Kansas tonight, and be in Des Moines by tomorrow afternoon.  Stay tuned....

 The painted desert. Red Rocks, AZ

 First view of fall

 Meteor Crater

 Football game in Texas

Arizona

Today was the day. So much anticipation, and work to get here. We were of course up super late, and din't get much sleep.  The morning went by quickly, and we said our good byes to my family. None of this would be happening without the help of our family. We are very blessed.  They are coming with us on this journey by the mere fact that they helped to make it possible.



This post will be short, but our first leg is done! We are sitting by a nice warm fire, about to enjoy a bowl of coffee ice cream with Aunt Joni.  All the sad goodbyes, and the exhaustion of packing is behind us, and for now, we are in a place to relax and recharge. Our drive was pretty easy, though long, because we stopped for awhile several times to stretch.  It is so easy to see God's artistic touch when driving along the 40. I can see why people went West. Such beauty.

The kids are happy and healthy, and great travelers.

Until next time.

Wheel

                                              

The last few days have been painfully exhausting. It feels trite and pretty lame to even complain, when I have friends going through real personal tragedies, worthy of exhaustion, upset, and pain. But I have to be honest and come forward with it. This has been straight up difficult. 

You know things are going down hill when you start spouting out things like, ''I am over this" and my personal favorite "I'm done." This is a complicated one. You can say, "I'm done", but in reality, you totally aren't done. You might feel like you are done, you might wish with all your might that you are done, but if you still have 2 days left of work, then, you know what? You aren't done. You just have to keep going, even if you don't feel like it.

That's where I have been for the last 2 days. Saying I am done, when I am not, with miles to go before I rest.  My ever expanding checklist (the guide to my sanity), was like a pair of rabbits.   It just kept producing more and more, and the pages kept filling up.  But I swear, it was the only thing keeping my head on straight, because I am telling you...there hasn't been a whole lot of anything fantastic going on up in that noggin of mine lately. Can we say, space case?

I have also been in avoidance mode.  I want to avoid seeing people again, because if we already said our goodbyes, then it is finished, and I don't want to have to think about it again. This week, we said our family good-byes, our friend good-byes, our charter school good-byes, our soccer team good-byes...the list goes on.  We drove down PCH tonight, so we could say good-bye to Sammy's (oh, please Lord, tell me Iowa has an amazing spicy pastrami.) I said good-bye to strips, and I savored my delicious sandwhich, and then we drove home and took in the smell of the bonfires. Since I have been in avoidance mode, I didn't want to really think about the fact this this was our last trip down this stretch of beach, for what could be a very long time. I have been avoiding the fact that it is very possible, we will never live right next to the beach again. Katelyn started to cry a bit, and said this would be the last sunset she would ever see. We reminded her that, although there is no beach in Iowa, the sun does indeed rise and set there as well. But I understood what she was saying, and it kind of felt that way to me too.

We said our good-bye to our best friends, and I tried to keep it together the best I could. When Luca and Katelyn lingered for an extra minute during their hug, I choked back what felt like weeks worth of tears. I felt like flashes of the last 5 years went before me. I saw the kids running around outside in their diapers when they were just 2 years old, I saw them making cookies together, I saw them playing on the beach together, walking through a stream in Trabuco together, camping together, sledding in the snow together, playing glowsticks on the greenbelt at night, picking pumpkins together year after year at Tanaka Farms, growing up together....I saw it all flash very quickly, and then I saw them say their good-byes. It seemed too hard to take, so I stopped, and reminded myself I needed to stay strong for the kids.  I could have stayed their all night and watched those kids play. Some times, you want to stay frozen in a spot...you want to remember what it is like, and what it  has always been like, and not forget. You want it not to hurt, but sometimes, that is too much to ask. 

The good-byes to family are difficult to swallow.  Thoughts that shouldn't go through my mind, but do, are the one's that make my stomach flip, and my heart start to pound. I pray for those thoughts to go away, because they are too much to bear in the midst of all this. I know the kids don't really understand, and it won't be long before they are asking to go to Grammie and Grandpa's house, or if Grandpa Tony can make them an english muffin with peanut butter for breakfast. Their world is so small, and I don't think they are capable of wrapping their minds around this one.

That is the end of this chapter. It has been a pretty wonderful chapter. It has actually been many, many chapters. Marriage, and turning 20, and turning 30, and having 3 babies along the way....all wonderful, beautiful things.

But a new chapter begins, and the excitement of that, dulls the sting.  It is that excitement, that adrenaline, as well as faith, that comforts me, and helps me to know that what is to come, is going to be beautiful and wonderful too.  All seasons come and go. Nothing stays the same forever. 

Tomorrow morning, we wake up, load up the kids, and take off. What will that feel like? I just don't know. It might possibly keep me awake tonight. Big green is ready for this adventure. Every row has a cute little box, filled with new movies, and coloring books, and journals, and new crayons, and games, and snacks, a new toy, and school (we are traveling through 8 states, I think that is a pretty good time to learn about them, don't you?).  Their little rows are so orderly and clean, and inviting. I know I am alluding myself by thinking it will look like that by the time we arrive.  In all honesty, I imagine we will roll into our new town, kids in mismatched clothing, boxes and their contents strewn about, wrappers and fast food soda containers stacked high, big circles under our eyes.....but we will have made it! What an accomplishment. Will we be in one piece? Ask me again, a week from today.

"And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you give it time
You will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now

You can't love too much, one part of it."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2M_YQkkeYI

Big Green

Lots of things have been going on around here lately. Boxes stacking up, and voices going hoarse (that would be me), and kids wondering what to make of it all.
Recently though, my minivan let me know that she wasn't planning on continuing our relationship and making the trip across the states to Iowa.  She said that she had no desire to travel that far, nor could she, and that she was going to retire in sunny So. Cal.
Hmmm.

I wasn't surprised by this news, because little miss minivan had been having problems since way back in our Texas move days.  The problems were fixed, but had started recurring, in just 2.5 years.
We didn't want to rely solely on the request of a vehicle (because we all know vehicles don't really talk), so we had the old girl looked at, and it was confirmed. She needed more in repairs than she was worth.  This is always fun news, 1 week before the moving van arrives.
But it was all good in the hood, because that was just one more fun little number to add to my to-do list, and let's face it, who doesn't love shopping for a used car, when your budget is miniscule and the inventory is low. Right, right?

Putting all sarcasm aside, the kids were totally into it. For about 3 minutes. They touched all the vans, and looked inside, and Emma exclaimed excitedly, "We need this one right here! It is only $2!"
When we told her it was the year, '02, she was slightly dissapointed. I was too, because a $2 van would have been pretty awesome.

We listened to "How about this one? " and "What about this one?" and "Ohh, look at this one, we could put a horse inside," for about 30 minutes. 

It is so funny because I remember being a kid, and going shopping for a new minivan with my folks. I am pretty sure I brought a notebook, and made a list of all the vehicles we saw, and all the features they had, and then put them in the order of most likely to be purchased to least likely.  I was such a strange kid.


Kevin and I drove up and down the streets, doing our best to look for any vans that appealed to us. Since we couldn't see any, (like, we didn't even see any vans on any lots at all) we kept pulling into lots and driving through, and then back out again. Lots of trucks, and SUVS and even some minivans, but not what we were after, and certainly not in our price range.

Due to some stress in the household right now, and what appears to be a few nights of poor sleep, Kevin and I have somehow developed these really bad kinks in our necks.  As luck would have it, Kevin's kink is in the right side, and mine in the left.  This came in handy while driving, because Kevin can only look to the left, and I can only look to the right. So as we drove along, he was able to keep watch out his window, and vice versa. The real problem arose when we needed to talk to eachother, or even worse, say something to the kids. If you have ever had a horrible stiff neck before, then you understand our plight. The pain to just simply turn your head is insurmountable. Periodically, Kevin and I would want to say something to one another, and we would have to turn our entire bodies, stiff as a board, so that we could look at eachother to talk. It was so pathetic that it was hilarious. Just the looks of us, sitting up straight, shoulders and heads turned completely to the side, just so we could have a conversation. In the midst of everything else going on right now, how could we not laugh at that? That's funny stuff right there.

But in the end, God came through BIG time, with a van we loved but didn't think we could afford. Without having to fight over the price tag, $7k was just magically dropped off the price of the car without us even asking.   I love how God works.

Everybody, meet Big Green. Big Green, everybody.

When Kevin was growing up, we had the pleasure of driving around in his family's car Big Red (Big Red fit 15 people, 3 more than ours).  Kevin and I went on our first date in Big Red (country line dancing/bowling, whoot whoot) and we also used to take Big Red over the train tracks on Gothard. And by take, I mean, speed over, and go flying.  We pushed Bid Red to the limits at over 100MPH, while flying down the freeway, coming home from The Harvest Crusade. We liked to see Big Red go!
I don't think I can stomach the thought of flying over those same train tracks in Big Green, but, I think that the McClain's are going to have some fun in this van, what do you think?

Sees candy

Yesterday, our next door neighbor came over to say goodbye. Our first goodbye so far. She was leaving on vacation, and wouldn't be back before we left.  She brought over a bouquet of 2 dozens roses and a gift certificate.  Her eyes brimmed with tears, and she started to tell us how much she loved us, and how much she would miss us, and how she has loved watching life happen in front of her house the last few years. But then she stopped, and said, "I am not saying good-bye right now, I will come over later tonight and say goodbye then." That was good with me, because I am horrible with good-byes and I knew in my heart that she wasn't going to come back over later. It is totally something I would do too, and probably best for everyone. It sounds kind of lame, but it is so much easier to just slip away in the dark of the night, and then text someone later and say everything you wanted to say before, but couldn't. Good-byes are really, really hard for me.  

The day had been considerably exhausting already, so when she gave us the gift certificate, I realized that dark chocolate was exactly what I needed, but didn't know it, until that very moment. We decided to load up the kids, and make the 20 minute drive to the nearest Sees Candy Store.  I hate to admit this, but in 31 years of living in California, I have never been to a Sees Candy store. Well, perhaps I have, but I was probably a young child, and I just don't remember.  When we pulled up, and walked in, I was immediately in awe.  Now, I am not a big chocolate lover (hence never going to a Sees before), but it was an instant happy when I walked in.

The air was cool, and the place was clean, and the little lady behind the counter was so very, very cute.

She offered us a sample (Oh. My. Word) and proceeded to tell us all about every chocolate behind the very clean glass. My kids eyes were as big as saucers. Ok, my eyes were as big as saucers too.  I started saying things like " How about this one," and "Why don't you throw 5 of those in the box too."

We decided to upgrade our 1lb gift certificate to 2lbs, because it was becoming painfully obvious that 1lb was just not going to cut it.  I contemplated 3 lbs, but that just seemed wrong.  I felt really happy in that store, and for some reason, this kept coming to mind.

Several other customers (weekly customers, I later found out), came in, and we allowed them to pass us. I wasn't going to let anyone rush this experience for me. I was having waaay too much fun.

Noah proceeded to jam his face into an object that was eye height, and he needed rescue, a chocolate sucker to feel better. The girls put their dirty hands all over the clean glass, and made me cringe. They were starting to cramp my style a bit, so we reeled them in, and made our final decisions. By the time we got home and settled in for dinner, my total candy consumption alone was 6 pieces.  I was starting to feel a bit better about the day.

  After we got home, I began to wonder why I had never gone to Sees before. Maybe it was a good thing, because I could totally see myself dropping $17.95 for a pound of chocolate, like, every week.

Ya, probably a good thing I just found this place.

The lady told me, she didn't believe Iowa had Sees.

What?!? Oh, how sad. My relationship with Sees was way too short. Come and gone, just like that.

The sweet Sees lady told me I could have custom boxes shipped to me (oh joy!).

I put that in the back of my mind, just in case.

Later that night, I started to think about leaving home. Not just that there would be no Sees, (sniff sniff), but that we would really never watch the kids play with their best friends, our neighbors, again. They wouldn't run and jump and play house and make up imaginary lands, at least, not with these boys, again.

I mourned at the thought of never seeing where that relationship would have gone. It was a beautiful friendship for the kids, and my relationship with Veronica was like Lucy and Ethel (above).

I remembered all our shenanigans, not the least of which, was Veronica rescuing me from a swarm of bees in my house, with a broom and hair spray. The times that girl came to my rescue can't be counted on all of my fingers and all of my toes combined. At any given time, of any given day, I could have yelled out "Veronica" (just like Lucy would yell, "Ethel!") and she would come running. 

Remember the episode when Lucy was leaving for the country, and Lucy and Ethel cried and cried and cried and cried.

Ya.

Then I started thinking about all of the beautiful, wonderful things that are about to take place for many of my friends. Things that I won't be around to see. Things that I will have to be a part of, from afar.

I thought of the family, and their love, and their distance from here on out, and how much it would all hurt.

I thought about all the good-byes that are going to start occuring now, and all of the tears that would be shed.  It all started to become very real.

I ate another piece of chocolate, and took a deep breath. 

I reminded myself that it was ok to mourn, and ok to grieve for the change that is to come. Nothing new happens without change. And that's ok. 

It's ok to feel excited and sad at the same time.

It's ok to feel prepared, and unprepared, simultaneously.

So tonight, I rest in the fact that I am going to feel all the emotions, and just embrace it for what it is.

A new season.

A season without Sees, and many many other things, but a season full of things to come, unknown to me now.

And that is very, very exciting,.

Iowa or Bust

Today, I can announce that a new journey is about to begin. An exciting door has been opened for our family, and we are proud to share that we have accepted a position in Des Moines, IA as an intern pastor. Our time left here in California is short, as our move will happen in just a few short weeks. We can't wait to see what God does and we look forward to serving at Luther Memorial.  Please follow along through this blog, on our family's new journey.  There are so many people we don't want to say good bye to, and at the same time, so much we look forward to in this new chapter. Please pray for our family as we embark on this journey, and God's calling on our lives.


Blessings,
Kristen